Waking the Idiots
by silver-dagger-113
Summary: Spoof on the Waking the Dragons season What if the first agent Dartz sent to capture the Pharaoh’s soul was an idiot? What if no one could pronounce the Seal of Orichalcos? What if paper cups were Millennium Items? Well, then you’d have this story!
1. Oriwhatcos?

Welcome to Waking the Idiots, a spoof of the "Waking the Dragons" season of Yu-Gi-Oh!

_What if the first agent Dartz sent to capture the Pharaoh's soul was an idiot? What if no one could pronounce the Seal of Orichalcos? What if paper cups were Millennium Items? Well, then you'd have this story right here!_

Er, riiiight, well, the idea for this kind of started around Thanksgiving. Actually on Thanksgiving. My cousins were jumping all over my dad and he bursts out, "Stop it or I'll send you to the Shadow Realm…With my…Millennium Paper Cup…that's…in the kitchen!" Yes, my dad watches YGO occasionally. And then he said, "I play the Shield of Karaoke!" So, yeah…

Heh, downstairs we have a dartboard. Every once in a while, my brother will pin a picture of someone he doesn't like on it. Well, one day, for some reason, he had Pegasus on it. This wasn't too long after the 'Waking the Dragons' season started on Yu-Gi-Oh. So when he said, "I'm going to throw darts at Pegasus," I though Dartz. O.o;; Really odd mental picture there…

On Valon's name…I'm not sure whether it's Valon or Varon, I seen them written both ways, but to me it sounds like Valon (in the dubs on Kid's WB :-P) Plus I typed it Valon, so I don't feel like going through it and changing every single R to an L.

Disclaimer: (Listening to "If I had a Million Dollars" by the Barenaked Ladies) If I had a million dollars, I'd buy Yuuuuuu-Giiiiii-Oooooooh! …But that probably wouldn't be enough money… v.v

Waking the Idiots

Once upon a time, inside a strange castle type thing on an unknown island, a man named Dartz was pondering some very important questions with his three favorite henchmen.

"But there must be a reason!" he insisted again.

Alister sighed. "No, Master Dartz. I do not know why fools fall in love."

"Perhaps because they are fools?" Raphael offered.

"Oy!" Valon said from the side. "We're portraying a pretty bad set of villains, just sittin' around here pondering all these lame questions and not marauding or something."

Shaking his head in annoyance, Alister snapped, "I said that hours ago! And stop it with the accent! We all know you're not from Australia!"

"Stuff it! At least I don't run around in a sports bra!" the agitated Aussie snapped right back.

"It is ­not­ a sports bra!" the redhead growled threateningly. "It's a belly shirt. And if Marik could pull it off in the last season, I can pull it off now!"

Valon snorted. "Ok, Marik's was a shirt. Yours is definitely an undergarment."

Nodding his agreement, Raphael added, "Yeah, Ishtar's was cooler too. It had chains. Bling-bling, y'all!" He struck a gangsta pose.

Valon and Alister sweatdropped.

"Riiiight." The three henchmen turned to their master. "Now," Dartz continued. "As much as I enjoy watching your petty arguments," cough_sarcasm_cough, "Valon's right."

Alister looked crushed. "You mean…you think it's a sports bra too?"

"No. Well, actually, yes. But that's not what I was talking about. We are the villains of this season! And though we pale in comparison to Marik, we must act as good role models for unimportant evil doers all around the world aspiring to become great super villains. Like us."

"Yee-ah!" Raphael said again. Representin'!" He struck another pose.

Dartz smacked him. "You are _not_ a gangsta!"

"And we are not _super_ villains," Valon whispered to Alister.

"Shhh! Not so loud!" Alister hissed back. "Master Dartz doesn't know that!"

"Now," Dartz said, turning to his other two cronies. "We should do something big. And evil. Oh yes, evil."

"That would make sense," Alister said mockingly, "as we are the badguys."

Dartz grinned, Alister's sarcasm lost on him. "My thoughts exactly."

Alister sweatdropped, suddenly wondering if he should find a new job.

"Ok," Dartz said, "so here's the plan." All of a sudden, he had a chalkboard and was writing football plays all over it. "Valon, you take this guy…Joey Wheeler…Unimportant side character, but hey, a soul's a soul. Alister, you get Seto Kaiba…Y'know, the billionaire guy that you've got a grudge against. Raffie-"

"Raffie?!" Alister and Valon burst out.

"Yeah, Raffie. Y'know. Big blonde guy with the awful sideburns." He glanced at Raphael. "No offense."

Raphael – Raffie – shrugged. "None taken."

Dartz nodded. "Right, so Raffie, you get the Pharaoh-"

"No! Wait!" a voice shouted.

Dartz turned around. "What? Who are you? I only have three henchmen! Well, and that nameless guy with the monocle, but no one likes him!" Just then, Dartz took a good look at just who he was talking to. "Gasp! I've heard tales of you! An innocent enough looking girl who is really the devil!"

The girl smiled sweetly. "Me?"

Alister's eyes widened. "T-That girl! She's the one that hangs out with the Pharaoh and rants about…friendship…" He shivered along with Valon, Dartz and 'Raffie.'

"Yup! I'm Tea! Will you be my friends?"

"No!" the four snapped in unison.

"How did you get in here anyway?" Dartz asked.

"Uhh…The front door?"

"Ooooh." That made sense, he supposed. But what did she want? Such a lovely thought, that he decided to say it out loud. "What do you want?" the leader of the organization demanded.

Tea only smiled wider, making the four gag. "Besides friendship?"

"Make it stooooop!!!!!" Valon cried, falling to his knees and grabbing Alister's leg.

Alister kicked him.

Giggling, Tea continued. "I totally want the Pharaoh to DIE!" Her voice took a low dip, startling everyone in the room. "He refuses to notice me! I mean, come on, I'm totally hot! I oughta have all the guys after me, but noooooo! I swear, sometimes I think they're all totally too busy looking at _eachother!_"

Everyone sweatdropped. "Ok, that's enough, _phsycho_," Dartz said, herding her to an exit. "We've seen all we need to. Nice interview, really. We'll let you know if you got the job. Don't call us and we won't call you. Bye!"

"But wait!" Tea exclaimed. "You totally didn't even get to see me dance! I'm totally great at dancing! You totally should see me at DDR! I totally dominate! I totally kick major aAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!"

Valon, Alister, and Raphael watched as the trapdoor swung open beneath the annoying girl's feet, sending her plummeting down to the depths of the ocean.

"Uh, whoops," Dartz said unconvincingly. "I guess I _accidentally_ lead her to the trap door. Then I _accidentally _hit the button to open that trap door. Oh well. Stuff happens. Moving on!" He walked back to his henchmen. "Now, where was I before I was so rudely interrupted?"

Raphael cleared his throat. "You were saying I was going to take the Pharaoh."

Dartz clapped his hands. "Right," he said briskly. "Raphael, you take the Phar-"

"NOOOOO!"

"What?!" Dartz spun around, nearly tripping over his long flowing white hair.

"I want a crack at the Pharaoh!"

Dartz blinked. "Who are you?"

The woman before him looked ordinary enough. "I'm Yugi Mouto's mother!"

Allister blinked. "Yugi Mouto has a mother?"

Yugi's mother nodded. "Yes. They totally cut me out of the dubbed version! So now I want to defeat the Pharaoh so he'll go away and give me my son back!"

"Uh huh." Dartz nodded, not really listening. Ever since that Tea girl had come in, he had decided that anyone who says the word 'totally' deserved to die a slow and painful death. "Ok, you done?"

Yugi''s mom shook her head. "No."

"Good!" Dartz took her by the shoulder. "Right, great job back there, I think you really impressed them!" He nodded towards his three followers. "So, um, have your people call my people…and my people will ignore them!" He positioned her over the trap door and pushed the button. "Buh-bye now!"

Humming slightly (the screams of an innocent falling slowly to their death often made him do that) he walked back to his cronies. "Right, I don't like the word cronies, so I'm just going to call you all my buddies, 'k?"

His 'buddies' shrugged and nodded.

"Cool. Now, where was I?" He paused. "Right. I was just going to assign Raffie, my buddy, to take out the Pha-"

"Halt!"

Though he had been expecting it, Dartz still turned around and snapped, "Oh, what now?!"

Before him stood a teenager, his skin nearly as pale as his hair, which was an untamed white mass of spikes, most noticeably the two 'rabbit ears' in the front. A gold pendant hung at his neck.

Dartz's eyes focused on the pendant. "A Millennium Item?"

The boy nodded. "The Millennium Ring."

"Who are you?" Alister demanded. "Your accent's as lame as Valon's!"

"Heeeeey!" Valon snapped.

The boy bowed. "I am Bakura, King of Thieves, Tomb Robber Extraordinaire."

Dartz nodded. "Nice to meet you."

Bakura gave a cocky grin. "The honor is yours."

Dartz also grinned. "Oh, I like you. I suppose you want to try to defeat the Pharaoh as well?"

"No." Bakura shook his head. "I don't want to try. I want to succeed. I _will_ crush him."

"Ha! So says 'em all!" Valon piped in.

Dartz cast a side glare at him. "You're welcome to try," he said to Bakura. "My plan was to send the monocle guy first to lose, and thus, warn the Pharaoh that we were coming. Then I was going to send my buddy Raffie in to crush him. But you can have the monocle guy's job, if you like."

Shrugging, Bakura said, "I do."

"Right. So I guess I don't have to kill you." He reached into his pocket and pulled out a card, a black duel disk, and a glowing green stone. "Here." He gave them to his newest 'buddy.' "Use this card to beat him with, 'k?"

Bakura nodded, though he was really deep inside his mind, talking with his host, the owner of the body he was using.

_So, uh, Ryou?_ the spirit asked.

_Mmm?_

…_Can you pronounce the name of this card?_

_What?!_ Ryou started laughing. _It's bad enough that you joined some evil cult-type organization with MY body, but now you can't pronounce the name of a Duel Monster card?! _He started laughing all the harder.

…_Ryou? I think you're insane._

_You're one to talk._

_Touché. _

Ryou paused. _Ok, let me take a look at the card. _Ryou took control of his body and looked at the card in his hand. _The Seal of …Ori…Ori…Ori-Chal-Cos?_

Mentally, Bakura grinned. _Good luck playing that in the duel, hikari! Bye!_

_Oh no you don't! _Ryou dove into his soul room, forcing control of the body on Bakura. _You got yourself…er, you got US into this, you're getting us out!_

_But Ryou! _he whined.

But Ryou shut the soul room door in his face.

_Damn. _Bakura opened his eyes only to realize that Dartz had been speaking to him but was now staring at him oddly.

"Ba-kuuuuuuuura?" Dartz called, waving a hand in front of the tomb robber's face. "Time to go, buddy."

"Go where?" he asked dumbly.

Dartz frowned. "Well, you'd know if you had been listening to me while I was speaking, wouldn't you?"

"Maaaaaaaaaaaaybe."

Raphael grabbed the thief's wrist. "Do not speak to the master in such a tone, insolent fool!"

The room took a slight chill as the Millennium Ring started glowing around Bakura's neck. Black and purple shadows flitted about; shadows of souls doomed to forever wander around the barren waste that was the Shadow Realm.

"Where are we?!" Valon asked, clutching Alister in a death-like grip. "Lemme out! I wanna go home!"

"To play with the kangaroos I suppose," Alister wheezed out, sarcasm still evident in his tone.

"Where are we?" Dartz demanded, his tone even and cold.

Smirking, Bakura replied, "The place where I send many of my 'buddies.' The Shadow Realm! And you just won an all expenses paid trip...FOREVER! Mwahahahaha! MWAHAHAHAHA!"

"Decent evil laugh," Dartz mused. "You really must be a villain."

Bakura bowed. "_Not_ at your service."

Just then, three shadows began crawling towards them.

"There he is!" One said in a fake British accent. Even so, he kind of sounded like Brock from Pokemon.

"That's him alright!" said the biggest of the three, who also kind of sounded like Brock.

"Yes!" said the shortest one. "Now we can finally get out of this place! I can still win the Battle City Tournament if we steal back my locater cards!"

Bakura rolled his eyes. "Those three losers that I beat in the cemetery. Hey guys!" he hollered. "Battle City's long over! Guess who won?"

"Yugi?" the short one asked.

Bakura nodded.

"Crap!" He turned to the other two shadows. "Never mind, let's go." And so they melted in with the other shadows, never to be seen again. Big deal.

"Now what do you plan to do?" Dartz asked, fixing the thief with a level stare.

Bakura shrugged. "Leave you here."

"You'd leave your master?" an angry Raphael broke in.

"Psssh. My master? I have no master. I just said I'd join you guys so you'd give me the card. And that pretty rock thing…And the evil looking duel disk." He shrugged and turned away, making a hole in the fabric of time and space that lead back to earth. "Later, 'buddies.'" The hole swirled shut behind him.

"Well," Dartz said. "This is certainly…a setback…"

Alister and Raphael sweatdropped.

Valon hugged Alister harder and whipered.

"Quite a large setback…" Dartz finished.

--

_Where're we going, 'Kura? _Ryou asked from his soul room.

_To find the Pharaoh and defeat him in a duel, ultimately humiliating him in front of all of his little friends and sacrificing his soul to that monster thing that those cult people worship._

_Oooooh, you mean the one that looks like the Eye of Sauron? _(1)

Bakura sweatdropped. _Yes, Ryou. That one._

So on Bakura walked, determined to find the Pharaoh. Unfortunately, he had no idea where the former ruler of Egypt was. So he stopped and asked for directions.

"Uh huh…" he said, staring at the two drooling duelists before him. "_What_, exactly, is coming?"

"The great beast," a zombified Weevil Underwood slurred.

"Yes, all shall be sacrificed to the great beast," zombie Rex added.

Bakura nodded. "Riiiiight. But where's the Pharaoh?"

The two pointed left.

"Thanks very much." He dashed off in that direction.

So, after much running, the hottest three-thousand year old tomb robber in all of Domino City (shall I say it? The world…!) caught up with the Pharaoh and his little friends.

"Pharaoh!" he shouted.

"Tomb Robber!" Yami shouted back, taking control of his host's body.

"Let's duel!"

"Let's not!"

"But whhhhhyyyyy?" he whined out.

The Pharaoh only smirked. "Big waste of my time. We both know I'll just win."

Clutching his fists in a sudden fit of rage, Bakura shouted, "Screw you!"

_Great comeback_, Ryou said sarcastically from his soul room.

Bakura ignored him. "Duel me!"

"Why?" the Pharaoh, getting very annoyed by his rival, demanded.

"Because Ryou and I are always getting left out of things! We're not even really in this season. We're not even in the _movie!_ How sad is that?"

Yami frowned, suddenly feeling pity for the pathetic tomb robber. "Very well then. I'll duel you. Happy?"

"Ecstatic." He turned on his duel disk.

At that moment, Seto Kaiba walked by for no reason at all. "Hey!" he shouted. "That's not one of my duel disks! Someone tampered with the design! I'm suing!"

"Shut up, Kaiba!" Joey yelled, because we all know he just couldn't resist getting into a fight with Kaiba. "Go throw darts at Pegasus or something!"

Kaiba sniffed indignantly. "I think I'm going to pin a picture of you on my dartboard of death next to Pegasus," he muttered. "You better not lose, Yugi! I want your title, damnit!"

"Stuff it, rich boy," Bakura yelled. "Let's duel!"

And duel they did. But for time's sake, we'll fast forward to the part when Bakura draws the Seal of Orichalcos.

_Ohh, gonna play it, 'Kura? _Ryou asked.

_I thought you'd fallen asleep. Did my duel bore you?_

_Why, yes. It did. Now play the card._

_What?! Why should I?_

_That's what you got it for, right?_

Bakura paused. _True..But you can't rush these things…_

'_Kura! It's a good card!_

_But…_

All of a sudden, a hole began opening next to Kaiba, who decided not to let it faze him, as it wasjust a 'hocus-pocus mind trick.' Dartz and his three buddies stepped out of the hole.

"What?!" Bakura nearly dropped his cards. "But…how?!"

Dartz smirked and held up a paper cup. "Raphael found this. Apparently it's a Millennium Item. Shocked?"

Shocked, Bakura shook his head. "No."

Dartz frowned. "Are too."

"Am not."

"Are too…"

"Nu uh, am _not_."

"Stop lying!"

"I would never!"

Sighing, Dartz snapped, "Just finish the duel! Play the card!"

Bakura started sweating. "Uh, what card?"

"The card I gave you earlier in the story," he hissed.

"Oh. Right," Bakura said weakly. "_That_ card." He sighed, thinking in his head, _Well, here goes nothing._

_More like here goes EVERYTHING, _Ryou corrected.

_Right._ He drew a shaking breath and picked up the Seal of Orichalcos. "I play…The…The…The Shield of Karaoke!"

Dartz and his 'buddies' sweatdropped.

Yami and his gang looked very confused.

Kaiba laughed.

"What does that do?" Yami asked blankly. "Does it make the monsters…sing?"

At that moment, the monster Yami had on the field, his Dark Magician, began singing the theme song to Pokemon. The first season.

"_I wanna be the very best, like no one ever was!"_

Everyone sweatdropped.

"_To catch them is my real test; to train them is my cause!"_

Yami fell down, anime style.

"I didn't know it could do that," Dartz mused.

"You…didn't know?" Valon asked in disbelief.

Alister shook his head. "Everyone knows the Seal of Oricalcos has that effect!"

"Oh…" Dartz said. "I knew that…I just said that I didn't to see if you did!"

Alister and Valon sweatdropped.

"Ooooh," Raphael said in awe. "Master is so wise."

Dartz nodded. "Now play the card's _other_ effect!" he called to the thief!

"Riiiight…" Bakura picked the card up and threw it back onto the duel disk. "I play…The Seal of Origami!"

_D'oh! _Ryou banged his head repeatedly on the wall of his soul room. Why had the gods given him a dolt for a yami?

"Does the Seal have yet another effect?" Dartz mused aloud.

Raphael shook his head. "If you don't know about another one, there mustn't be one. Master knows all."

Dartz beamed at his buddy.

Alister looked to Valon. Valon nodded. They each grabbed one of Raphael's arms and tossed him into the hole leading to the Shadow Realm. The hole closed shut behind him.

"Heeeeeeey," Dartz protested.

"Look!" Joey said from the side.

Everyone looked to the two duelists. Their duel disks were glowing. Bakura looked positively baffled. He looked to Kaiba.

"Hey, don't look at me," the CEO said defensively. "I didn't program them to do that." Then he muttered under his breath, "Fool."

Suddenly, the duel disks exploded, making the two duelists fly backwards and setting all of their cards aflame.

"I knew that was coming," Dartz said with a shrug.

Alister turned to Kaiba. "If you do something for me, I won't bother you with a duel."

Kaiba looked at him warily. "Just what do you want me to do?"

"Throw darts at Pegasus."

Blue eyes flickered to a certain white haired psycho. "Gotcha." He stepped over to Dartz and flung him over his shoulder. "Later, losers. I have to throw Dartz at Pegasus. And at Wheeler too." He held up a picture of the blonde duelist that would no doubt find its way onto Kaiba's dartboard of death that night.

"Heeeeeeeey!" Joey whined. But the CEO was already on his way to his mansion, a kicking and screaming Dartz in tow. "I wanna come too!"

So they all went to Kaiba's mansion and partied all night long. Then they all lived happily ever after.

Well, except for Dartz. He got a major headache from being thrown into the dartboard so many times.

END

(1) That was the first thing I thought when I first saw the great Labyothan thing. (I know, I can't spell; couldn't find the spelling online.) Anyway, I yelled, "AH! The Eye of Sauron!" (Hopefully you've all seen/read the Lord of the Rings. If not, well…O.O!!!)

Well, that's it.I think this is going to be a one-shot. Unless, of course, I get a hundred reviews _begging­ _me to continue…But since I don't think that'll happen, here is where it ends. After writing this, I think I like Dartz and his 'buddies' even more…(Grins)

Peace out!


	2. Word to Your Mother

Wow, I am so sorry everyone! When I first wrote this, I had every intention of making another chapter. But then the writer's block hit….hard…I'm serious, it was a huge slab of granite! Very pretty, but not good for writing when the story you're working on is stuck under it…Anyway, I chiseled away and got this. So, I hope you all enjoy it and thanks for waiting!

Caution: I wrote half of this when I was hyper, so don't be surprised if it doesn't make much sense!

And now…Back by popular demand…

**Waking the Idiots:** **_Part Two!_**

Once upon a time, not long after the first chapter of this story was posted, the new pretty-boy of Yu-Gi-Oh, the ever so evil Dartz, was pacing back and forth in front of a chalkboard that was covered in squiggly lines, x's, o's, arrows, and little dead Kaiba stick-figures, the latter compliments of Alister.

"But the plan!" he muttered. "The plan! It should have worked! Three good guys! Three bad guys! We were even!"

Something small hit the back of his head. "Ow!" he cried, spinning around to face his new opponent. When he saw the red head, he pouted. "Easy!" he yelled. "My head still hurts form the last chapter!"

Alister rolled his eyes, then bent down to pick up the small object, an apple. "Yes, but they were three good guys," he said, ignoring Dartz's complaint and referring to what hesaid before."And in Yu-Gi-Oh, good guys always win in the end." He took a bite out of the apple.

"Well, it's not fair!" a familiar accent-laden voice said behind them.

Alister thought about throwing his bitten apple at Valon. He didn't, but he thought about it and that's what really counts, right? Besides, it would have been a waste of food…

"I'm suing!" the Aussie continued.

"Suing who?" Alister asked around a mouth full of apple.

"Your mother!"

"Those aren't funny."

"What's not funny?"

"Your mother jokes."

"'course they are!"

"No, they're not."

"Yes, they are."

Dartz shut his eyes and massaged his head. Why oh why did he have two arguing buffoons as henchmen, er, buddies…?

"Well, at least I don't wear a sports bar…"

"We've been over this. It is NOT a bra and you know it…"

Finally, Dartz could take no more. He did what any person would do when caught in a situation such as this. He screamed and ran away.

The two arguing 'buddies' blinked and looked up as their girly looking leader ran away screaming. They turned to each other, shrugged, and continued with their fight.

Dartz, meanwhile, had burst onto the streets of Domino. How did he get from his secret island hideout to Domino City? With his magical powers, of course!

Ok, so here's what really happened…

Finally, Dartz could take no more. He did what any person would do when caught in a situation such as this. He screamed and ran away.

"I can't take it!" he cried, shutting his eyes as if that could block out the sound of Alister's and Valon's (well, mainly Valon's, that fake accent does get annoying after a while) voices. He continued running until he couldn't feel the ground under his feet. Dartz remained still for a moment, knowing that the second he looked down and saw he was standing over open air, he'd fall just like Wile E Coyote in a Warner Bros cartoon.

He fell anyway, and landed on his face on a Domino sidewalk.

"Stupid plot-hole," he muttered as he stood up and brushed the dirt from his clothes. "This is dry-clean only!" he cried. "This is so going to stain!" He stood and pouted for a moment before he saw someone who caught his eye.

Both eyes, actually.

"You!" Dartz cried, striding over to the white-haired teen.

"Me!" said white-haired teen cried back. He eyes the man addressing him, with both eyes. "Oh no!" he said, changing his tune. "_You_!" He turned tail and fled.

"Not so fast!" Dartz ran faster and would have caught the fleeing tomb robber, had he not tripped over his hair. "Curses!" he cried to the skies, pounding his fists to the ground and throwing a mini temper tantrum.

A car drove by through a puddle and splashed Dartz, getting the man's robes completely covered with mud.

Dartz began to cry.

"What are you doing?" a voice admonished from above.

"Crying!" Dartz sobbed.

"Hmmm…Sounds more like sobbing to me…"

"Oh, shut up!" Dartz cried, curling up into a ball. "Leave me alone!"

"I can't. It's my job to motivate you!"

Dartz sat up and rubbed his eyes. "W-Who are you?" he asked, looking around for the voice.

"I'm your shoulder-angel!"

Dartz looked down at his shoulder. What he saw was a mini version of himself with little angel wings, a halo, and a harp. "So you are…"

"And I'm your shoulder-devil!" another voice chimed in. Dartz looked down at his other shoulder and saw yet another mini version of himself, this one with demon wings, horns, and a trident. "Go steal something!" he yelled.

"No, you must do what's right!" the shoulder-angel yelled back.

"No! You have no idea of the power," he pronounced it 'powa,' "of the Dark Side!"

"No!"

"Shut up, you pansy! Join the Dark Side, Luke, uh, I mean, Dartz!"

Dartz looked down at the two, very confused.

The shoulder-devil rolled his eyes. "Well, at least steal something. You _are_ a villain."

"You're right!" Dartz said, standing up. "I'm a villain! I'll say it loud, I'll say it proud!" He spun around, suddenly inspired. "I'm going to steal the Pharaoh's Millennium Puzzle! I don't really need it, but I'll steal it anyway, to prove that I can succeed where others have failed!" He pumped a fist in the air. "Yes, Dartz is the man!"

"But," the shoulder-angel protested.

"Oh, go string your harp!" Dartz muttered, brushing the angel off his shoulder. The angel fell to the ground, where a Boston Terrier was sniffing around. The dog snuffed the angel, then carried it off in its mouth.

"Yeah, you showed him!" the devil exclaimed.

"Go sharpen your stick!" Dartz yelled, punching the devil. The devil fell to the ground where a Chihuahua picked him up delicately and carried him away. "You'll pay for this!" he cried. "Mark my words! With a marker!"

"Consider them marked!" Dartz yelled back!

"…are you talking to the voices again, Dartz?"

Dartz spun around. "Pharaoh!"

"That's me!" Yami said.

"I'm going to steal your Millennium Puzzle!"

Yami sweatdropped. "Why bother? Everyone else who's tried has failed."

"Yes…" Dartz said. "But the show needs a villain. And the villain needs to be villainous. And as I cannot think of any especially sinister schemes, I shall steal your puzzle, as that is what most uninspired villains do." Dartz paused to take a breath. "Unless you've got any better ideas?"

"Well…" Yami thought. "I thought you'd, I don't know, have your posse challenge my posse one at a time, trying to steal their souls while your homies are systematically beaten by my homies. Dawg."

Dartz stared at him. "Ok…Now you're starting to sound like Raffie. Where'd he go, anyway?"

"Well," Bakura stepped in. "If you'll remember back in part one, Alister and Valon tossed him through a tear in the fabric between this world and that of shadows, trapping him there to this day."

"Oh…" Dartz said. "Well, could you at least translate for all of us who don't speak gangsta?"

"Well," Bakura said again. "Basically, the Pharaoh's suggesting you send your henchmen-"

"Buddies," Dartz corrected.

Bakura sweatdropped. "_Buddies_ go and take out the Pharaoh and his two homeboyz, er, his little friendship group and defeat them one by one, when actually, they'll be beating your…_buddies_. There. Savvy?"

Dartz snapped his fingers. "Brilliant! I'll do that!"

And so Dartz and his buddies regroup at their not so secret headquarters, leaving the Pharaoh and the tomb robber alone.

"It's _my_ job to try and fail to steal the Millennium Puzzle," Bakura said possessively.

Yami sweatdropped.

Meanwhile, back at Dartz's not so secret hideout…

Alister and Valon had put their differences aside and were currently dancing to "Can't Touch This" by MC Hammer.

"Hammertime!" Valon yelled. They both proceeded to break it down.

Dartz strolled in all dramatically then fell down anime-style when he saw what his buddies were doing. "Just what are you doing!" he demanded.

"The MC Hammer dance?" Alister suggested.

"Well, stop!"

"Can't touch this!" Valon said fiercely.

Dartz twitched and unplugged their toons. Both pouted. "Now, on to business!" Dartz continued, pulling back the chalkboard. "Right, Alister, you're up first. You take Seto." He paused. "Hey, wait, didn't we already cover this in the previous chapter?" They all looked at each other for a moment then shrugged. "Right. Valon, you get Joey. Raffie-" He looked up. "Raffie?"

Bakura once again randomly popped in. "Yo. Shadow Realm, remember?"

"Oh yes. Well, you'll just either have to take his place and duel the Pharaoh or go and get him back right now."

The tomb robber paused to consider. "No!" He shook his head violently. "I don't want to have to deal with that Seal of whatever card again."

"Then here." Dartz pushed what looked like a crumpled paper cup into Bakura's hands. "It's the Millennium Paper Cup. Now go get my buddy!"

Bakura crossed his arms over his chest. "And just why should I?" he demanded.

Dartz also crossed his arms. "Well, it's either that or go back to trying and failing to steal the Pharaoh's Millennium Puzzle."

"…" Bakura didn't say anything for a moment, for he was deep in thought.

_Just go get the stupid henchman. _

Bakura jumped. "Ah! Who said that!"

Inside his soul room, Ryou sweatdropped. _It's me. Baka. Now go! I'm sick of being embarrassed at you because you suck at stealing Millennium Items!_

"…" Bakura shrugged. "Why not? Ok, I'll do it!"

"Wonderful," Dartz said sarcastically. "Now go!"

Shrugging, Bakura held up the Millennium Paper Cup. "Now how do I work this?"

Ryou shrugged. _I don't know. Maybe you have to say some magic words or something._

"Hmmm…Magic words?" Bakura cleared his throat. "Can't touch this!"

Nothing happened.

"Umm…Homies? Dawg? Yo? Why won't you work, you crumpled piece of crap!"

Still, nothing happened.

"A CURSE! A CURSE UPON YOU AND YOUR FAMILY FOR ALL ETERNITY! MAY THE GODS SEE FIT TO SEND DOWN A BOLT OF LIGHTNING FROM THEIR HEAVENLY ABODE AND SET FIRE TO YOU SO THAT YOU MAY BURN FORVER IN THE LAND OF THE DEAD! _THE DEAD!_"

Ryou sweatdropped again. He slammed the door to his soul room and proceeded to blast the song, yes, you guessed it, "Can't Touch This" by MC Hammer.

"Yeah!" Bakura said, dancing and singing along. "Stop! Hammertime!"

Suddenly, the air turned cold. A small tear in the very air itself began to open before him, revealing the darkness and shadows beyond.

Bakura pumped a fist in the air. "Yes! I rock!"

_You're welcome_, Ryou called sardonically.

The tomb robber stepped into the shadows…

TBC

Yes, I really do mean it! It may take a while, but I WILL get the next chapter posted!...Eventually…If the zombies don't get me first…Or my history teacher's evil robots of doom…

Oh, and the whole MC Hammer thing is because my friend has been making me watch this awesome DBZ amv (and I never watch DBZ amvs) called Vegita's Attitude Show, done to that song. And it's hilarious. And because the song is just plain funny as well...

Review! It makes me write faster knowing that if I don't I'll get a ton ofthreatening reviews in my mailbox…


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